Vodka Brand Mad Lib

I would like to introduce you to __BRAND_NAME__, a high-quality, organic vodka produced and distilled in the __REGION_NAME__ region of __COUNTRY__. Crafted from native __COUNTRY__ __PLANT__, this vodka is distilled by the __MADE_UP_FAMILY_NAME__, who have been distilling alcohol in __COUNTRY__ since __RANDOM_YEAR__. This _NUMBER__-generation family-owned distillery strives to produce a clean and distinctive product, representative of the terroir.

__BRAND_NAME__ is composed of 100% organic __PLANT__ and pristine water from __BODY_OF_WATER__, creating a superb product. It’s then distilled __LARGE_NUMBER__ times and filtered through __EXPENSIVE_MATERIAL__, giving it an incomparable and smooth taste.

The result is an incomparable and smooth vodka with aromas of __PANTRY_ITEM__, __ANOTHER_PANTRY_ITEM__, and a velvety sweetness on the palate with notes of __FRUIT__ and __NUT__ with an elegant, light body, and a long finish.

Please let me know if you would like know more about __BRAND_NAME__, and I would be happy to provide you a sample with background information and tech sheet.

Cocktail Wonk Turns 200 – A Spirited Retrospective

As I write this, I’m lingering over the last few vapors from a very wee dram of Gordon & MacPhail Long Pond rum, distilled in Jamaica in 1941 and aged for 58 years. It’s a glorious example of the Jamaican rum flavor-bombs I’ve fallen hopelessly in love with. My good fortune in acquiring this Holy Grail of rum, brought into existence before the atom bomb and the moon landing, is entirely attributable to this site. Fellow writer Lance Surujbally, aka The Lone Caner, saw my post about the historic Long Pond distillery and graciously arranged for a sample to be sent from Germany. The story of this dram arriving in my glass is a perfect synopsis of how life has changed since starting this little writing adventure. So, on the occasion of my 200th posting, I’ll indulge in a bit of navel gazing, historical retrospective, and wrap up with what’s to come.

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Back to Cali – Lost Spirits Resets, Releases an Islay Abomination & More!

If there’s one story that’s consistently provided fodder for my ramblings here, it would be Lost Spirits. Their primary claim to fame is a hyper-speed distilled-spirit aging process, the brainchild of mad scientist Bryan Davis. A quick check shows that I’ve done two dozen posts here about Lost Spirits, reaching back to some of my earliest writing. I was thrilled to be the first source to write about the THEA One aging reactor, which has received the attention of the biggest spirits industry players and been covered by Wired, CBS, and other mainstream outlets.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned from following Bryan’s story is to expect the unexpected, with frequent twists in the narrative. First, the release of three high-octane rums — Navy Style, Polynesian Inspired, and Cuban Inspired–which grabbed the rum enthusiast market’s attention due to their high powered, intense flavors. Next was the company’s announcement that they would begin licensing their aging process to other distilleries.  The technology is embodied in a “reactor” that takes in freshly made spirit and wood and exposes them to heat and intense light; it’s a patented process that results in the claimed net effect of twenty years of barrel aging within a week’s time. Naturally, this put Lost Spirits in the crosshairs of the big, multinational spirits producers as well as upstart distilleries looking for an edge.

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When is a Mai Tai Not a Mai Tai?

Crappy cocktail recipes are an occupational hazard of using the internet. I do my best to roll my eyes and move on. Until I came across this horror show on Thrillist This one simply needed to be addressed.

Titled the Dead Man’s Mai Tai, the text breathlessly describes it as “… an autumnal take on a familiar tropical classic. So basically just as good! Coconut rum? Check. Dark rum? Check.”

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A good article on maddeningly inconsistent spirits pricing

Here in Washington state where I live, we have the highest liquor prices in the country, generally speaking. A huge chunk of the price of a bottle are state-imposed taxes, unambiguously the highest in the country. However, if you look at the price of a bottle on the shelf at a store here, it’s almost always pre-tax. And the price of that bottle is still quite a bit higher than I can find it on the shelves in other states, most notably nearby California or Oregon. Out-the-door costs of a typical bottle here are nearly double what I would pay for it from an online source.

Along those lines, I came across this excellent post on the K&L blog. If you’re at all interested in the business side of the liquor industry–how spirits flow from the distiller to you, and how prices are set–this is a must-read. At the end it becomes a bit of a rah-rah for Anchor Distilling’s import business, but I’m okay with that. (They import some of my favorite brands, including Luxardo and Tempus Fugit)

Highlighted quote from the post:

While you all have a choice as to which retailers you purchase from and the freedom to look around for the best price, we as retailers do not. We have one choice and one choice only. If we don’t like the price being offered for Lagavulin 16 we can choose either to buy it and be unhappy, or choose not to buy it and explain to our customers why. I can only purchase Buffalo Trace whiskies from their one chosen California distributor. I can only buy Diageo products from their one chosen California distributor.

Cocktail Componentry – How a drink is built

 

Trinidad Sour

In cooking, we all know that different ingredients play different roles. You’ve got your proteins, starches, vegetables, spices, flavor enhancers like salt, and so forth. In the cocktail world there are similar categorizations. Let’s look at some very broad categorizations of common cocktail ingredients.

Base Spirits – These form the backbone of your drink and usually contribute the majority of the alcoholic content, as they’re usually at least 80 proof (40% alcohol.) Typically these are one (or occasionally two) of the following:

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